What Will You Keep? Treasures & Memories

March 7, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

See that yellow bowl? It means a lot to me!

The yellow coating is gone from the rim, it’s got some chips, and silver scrapes on the inside left behind from utensils. Every time I reach for it to use for vegetables, salad, popcorn, fruit, I smile a BIG smile and feel a sense of joy. The reason I smile so big is that it reminds me of family, friends and good times at the lake. I think it was used at almost every supper at the lake!

Not long ago my brother was visiting and when I took it out, he asked if that was the bowl from the lake and my immediate thought was “Oh no, he’s not going to ask me for it is he?”. I said “Yes”, and he said “Great”! PHEW! It was triggering happy memories for him as well.

“The lake” represents our family’s childhood in summer. It was a place our family, extended family and friends gathered every weekend. We would power boat, sunfish sail, swim, jet-ski, suntan, fish, flirt, nap, develop long-lasting friendships, understand each other more and what made us tick through conversations, sneak out to our friends’ houses, play ping pong in the clubhouse and create truly lifelong memories of joy.

I don’t remember ever using a key to open the door during the summer because it was always unlocked and open to whoever wanted to stop by. And, everyone knew they just had to walk in, no knocking, no ringing of the doorbell, that’s the kind of place it was and that long-ago happiness is what I re-experience every time I use that yellow bowl.

Of course, I talk a lot about DeCluttering but I don’t want you to get rid of everything in your home: whether you are aging in place or moving to a new home. Do you have a treasure in your possession that brings you an overabundance of happiness and joy, but most others wouldn’t appreciate it because it’s not tied to anything emotionally triggering in their minds? I want you to keep 1 or 2 treasures that bring you deep happiness and joy to look at and use.

Write down the memories and feelings those one or two items create for you then use them, love them, relive the feeling of happiness they give you. This might also help you pass along other treasures of yours that might not have the same importance and make your DeCluttering a little bit easier.

Tell me, did you pick out an item? What does it represent to you?

Moving

Have the Conversation

February 28, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

If you are lucky enough to be present while your loved one is in the process of dying, have the conversation you always wanted to have. This is your chance, do it, there will never be another time.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying choose this moment to confess all your sins and how horrible they treated you but turn that around and have a conversation about the positive impact they have had on your life. Talk about the positive effects they have had on their community, their workplace, where they volunteer, with their family and friends.

It’s hard to know what you can do to support your loved one who is dying however, one gift you can give is to share how loved they made you feel. Share how much you appreciated them coaching you, defending you, paying for your dinner, letters of encouragement, etc. Showing up for you, even if just once in your life, is a gift to be cherished. Showing up for someone else, in whatever capacity you are able, is a gift to them and frankly, to you as well.

Write down some ways you can show up for those you love and those who are actively dying, this will be extremely helpful when you’re in an emotional state before, during or after your conversations.

Give them a quick call, even if they are unable to hold the phone because of lack of strength or where they are in the process or someone who is with them can hold it up to their ear. It doesn’t need to be a long conversation just, “I’m thinking about you and wanted to call”.

Put together soothing music or some fun songs to take their mind to another place, dying is scary on all sides.

Read a book to them, conscious or not, they can hear you.

Take a puzzle to do together, you don’t even have to talk, concentrating on something besides the inevitable provides some relief. Here are some great puzzles: https://maddcappgames.com/collections/puzzles

Give them a hand or foot massage, except if they are in pain. You know how great it is to get your hair washed by someone else when you go to the salon, they might love a gentle scalp massage.

Comedy shows are great, watch a couple of those, laughter is the best medicine.

Put headsets on them, turn on YouTube to favorite bands from their era. The headsets help them focus on the music and what’s in front of them, not what’s going on with them providing a little break from the stress.

Hold their hand, whether they are able to hold yours back or not. The warmth of connection is powerful.

Let me know if you have other suggestions.

Sending you courage to connect and have the conversation

Paper

Paper Overload

February 7, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

OMGosh! Are you over all the paper that gets sent to your home? I am!

I really don’t need offers of maintenance contracts on vehicles I’ve sold. I don’t need to see all the types of cars I can purchase. I don’t need catalogs filled with clothing that does not suit my lifestyle or where I am in this stage of my life. But I still get these mailed to me and that’s an indication to me that it’s time to renew my no more unsolicited mail request online.

I really don’t mind getting bills: electric usage bills, homeowner’s association bills, cable tv bills. These types of paper mail are reminders that I have a roof over my head, I enjoy all the comforts electricity provides and I have time to watch television instead of having to work 3 jobs during every waking moment. I don’t mind these mailings!

Recycling the unwanted bills reduces items going to the landfill, yes, but what about not cutting down that tree to begin with? Here’s the way to reduce unwanted mail: go to this website https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0262-stopping-unsolicited-mail-phone-calls-and-email and follow the directions for each of the items you no longer want. It’s easy, fairly inexpensive and it will take but minutes today to reduce a lot of stress. https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0262-stopping-unsolicited-mail-phone-calls-and-email

Let me know how you feel about your reduced mail in about a month. And, sign up for my newsletter, no paper involved!

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

Daily at a Glance

January 31, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Daily At A Glance

I was a guest on Mia Moran’s Plan Simple Meals Podcast https://plansimplemeals.podbean.com/ and introduced to her audience the value of a handwritten, permanent daily schedule to manage time-choices. I first created this when I started a new job within my family’s company and have taken it forward to all other career paths. I was the Accounts Payable Manager and paying things before their due date sometimes came with the reward of a discount and boy those discounts would add up quickly so I wanted to take advantage of every single one. In addition, I did not want money walking out the door in the form of unnecessary late fees or finance charges or both!! So, I made up an index card listing “permanently recurring” items I needed to get done each day before the end of the day and before I tackled any emergencies or focused on any other dynamic work.

The concept is simple: in your own handwriting record the daily, recurring weekly items you must accomplish. These are “permanent” items, they don’t change from week to week, month to month. For example areas you need to DeClutter, monthly bills-car payment, electric bill, mortgage, calls you need to make-fuel delivery, mom, things you need to do-send out birthday cards, order groceries for delivery, schedule appointments. I find when I put these items in my phone’s calendar, I tend to ignore them and the alarm reminders I have set. Somehow, I get it done when it’s written down, perhaps because it’s attached to my desk, so I have to deal with the permanently recurring items immediately before I walk out the door.

These are small items that weigh on your mind even though they are reoccurring. They tug at your memory demanding you remember them. Well, what if you took that tugging away from your brain because it’s written in front of you? The one thing you need to get used to is looking at that sheet of paper every day. It starts your day, you do those things first and then move on to your priority for the day.

This practice will change the way you look at your time-choices while giving you a sense of support and accomplishment. I’ll attach my Daily at A Glance form to get you started: download it, fill it out and start tomorrow. OR, create one that works best for you. Let me know the positive changes that occur.

Download the form here: DAILY AT A GLANCE

DeCluttering, DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life, Moving

The Guilt You Feel When Moving

January 20, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Throwing GUILT, oh my! We can all probably say we’ve thrown a little guilt at one time or another! Here’s the thing about guilt, it makes the guilt-delivering-person and the guilt-receiving-person feel bad. Not wanting to Move-Family-Treasures-Guilt is the pain of not wanting to let go and hoping that others feel the same way about your treasures as you do OR you will try to make them feel the same way and that does NOT work!

Mostly, it’s elder parents who downsize before their adult children downsize and want the adult children to take all the “stuff” they have collected from ancestors before them. Many years earlier the elder parents accepted their own parent’s treasures because, during that particular period of time, things generally were A. well made, B. cost a fortune and C. it was understood those treasures were intended to be passed down. So, we have Baby Boomers holding on to their grandparent’s possessions and now they are the ones looking to downsize and give the items they no longer want or need to their children. Guess what? The grandchildren, in general, don’t want those family treasures. They have purchased or rented furniture that is contemporary, sleek and light in many cases: heavy, brown furniture does not fit into their lifestyle.

Many adult grandchildren move frequently and change jobs just as frequently, they are not “Company Lifers” and I don’t mean that “Lifers” is a bad term, it just doesn’t seem to apply lately. They tend to rent more than own and the dwellings they rent are smaller and cannot fit the large profile furniture of their grandparents. Their color schemes are different than the muted greens, browns, oranges of their grandparents and frankly, you can buy a new piece of furniture in the color you want cheaper than if you take something to be re-upholstered in a new color/pattern. AND, the fabrics are different now, a big one being they can be sun and stain resistant, something their grandparents didn’t have incorporated into their furniture.

Trinkets, novelties, figurine collectibles are not so desirable to the adult grandchildren. They have no space and many former family treasures have no meaning to them. They, smartly, prefer to have less to dust and keep clean!! Good for them, let’s join them and get rid of that Not-Moving-Family-Treasure-Guilt! Contact me for help moving and sign up on this home page for my newsletter.

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

Examining Your Childhood DeCluttering Habits

December 11, 2018 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

The key to DeCluttering is to create a Habit of DeCluttering. And one of the keys to adopting the Habit of DeCluttering is to understand where your cluttering or DeCluttering Habits first started so you can adjust the bad habits into new, positive DeCluttering Habits.

What is your earliest memory of a DeCluttering Habit or lack of a DeCluttering Habit? Was your earliest memory of cluttering and DeCluttering before you were a teenager? Take a minute to return to your 15 year old self, what were your DeCluttering Habits? Did you have any that you had observed and adopted or were told to do? Were they related to just your space or to your home and if you had a yard to your yard? Now think about your 25-year-old self, what did those DeCluttering Habits look like during that period of your life? Were they different from your 10-year-old, 15-year-old or 25-year-old habits? When did the Habit of DeCluttering change? What are the DeCluttering habits you would like to keep? Which habits do you want to release?

I have found a person’s DeCluttering Habits are established early and are only changed by a shift in perspective or a dramatic incident. Many times it’s a tragic, life-altering event, it can also be as simple as someone showing you that another way to present yourself to the world works better than the current way.

To start your DeCluttering journey examine when those Habits of cluttering and DeCluttering first appeared and what caused them. Then observe how they have changed, or not, over the years. Thirdly, decide which habits would best serve you going forward in your life and make those changes. Believe that you can make a small change right this minute, you can. I believe in you.

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

What Do I Do With Grandma’s China? The Keeper of The Family China.

October 13, 2018 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Great Grandma’s China
One of the most angst producing items to get rid of in a home is the family’s set of china. The most expensive bone china was almost a given on all bridal registries and part of the wedding experience was planning a day to meet at the bridal registry at a favorite department store. Now, it stays stacked in piles in a breakfront or on shelves in the basement or packed away in a storage unit.
The sad thing is, right now not many people are interested in grandma’s china therefore it’s very hard to sell china. Unfortunately, those expensive, beautiful pieces of artwork that someone used to crave to be added to their wedding gift registry are out of style. Think of all the familiar manufacturers of china: Noritake, Lenox, Royal Dalton and Mikasa to name a few. There are also grades of china: fine bone china, porcelain, ceramic and earthenware/stoneware.
I suggest getting rid of the heavy dinnerware and use the bone china! Bone china is very durable and tends not to chip like other forms of dinnerware. China is lightweight and easier to handle as we get older. It’s thin and a lot of plates can be stacked in one cabinet.
Speaking of a lot of plates, think about how many you actually need. If you no longer host all the family dinner parties why not keep only the amount that you need for 6 days of meals? Keeping only 6 sets of dinnerware also allows for visiting company.
Try to find an organization who could use the extra dinnerware, think outside the box, ask around to different organizations, you will be surprised which organizations will take them.
Use the fine china, you deserve it!

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

You Are In Charge!

September 11, 2018 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

I want you to understand the gravity of how quickly your situation can change. This is such an important concept that I am writing about it again, 2 years after my first post on the subject of personal control over your items and the importance of DeCluttering while you are still in charge of your faculties and your life.

Mary and Bill were living in their colonial home in a remote section of their town. Living with them were their Certified Nursing Assistants (CNA) and their wheelchair accessible van that they needed to get around town. Their daughter lived 2 hours away and was bedridden, pregnant with her first child.

Colonials traditionally have a small half bath on the first floor and a steep staircase to get to the bedrooms and larger, full-size bathrooms. Mary was in a wheelchair because of some difficulty walking and it had been determined that she should go to a rehabilitation facility to gain back some physical strength. At the same time, her husband Bill was moved to a different facility in a different town in order for him to regain strength lost after an illness. They were both headed towards release from their perspective rehabilitation facilities and they decided it was time to move to a permanent home in an assisted living center which would entail moving to a third location. Mary called me to see if we could facilitate that move to that third facility and coordinate with their CNA’s.

We set up a meeting so I could I meet with the 2 CNA’s to understand what Mary and Bill would need. Mary had told me over the phone items she would need in their now very small one-bedroom apartment at their new home, but all other decisions were up to the CNA’s and they went back and forth as to which items should be taken to the new place. They tried their best and I waited patiently for them to decide.

An issue came up while we were trying to get their possessions moved: I couldn’t get in contact with their head CNA, phone calls were made by me but never returned to me until a family member let me know that the CNA had been admitted to the hospital themselves!! When we went to move the items that had been chosen we were told some of them were staying at the house and some new items were being taken to the new place. We got the new items loaded up, unloaded at the new home and I set up their apartment in anticipation of Mary and Bill’s arrival the next day which was Thursday. Friday, I got a call that Bill had died.

Months later I was giving a DeCluttering presentation at Mary’s new home and Mary attended. She wanted others to know what she had been through on her journey to her new one-bedroom home and recounted her story to all in attendance. She wanted everyone to know she had zero say in what was taken to her new home, her nurse companion made those decisions for her and Bill and neither of them ever returned to their former home. Mary said to listen to Deirdre, get rid of items while you are in charge.

I hope you will heed what Mary said and contact me if you need help onsite or from a distance. www.DeClutterByDeirdre.com

Let's Banish Loneliness, Let's Rediscover Joy Through Connection, Re-Connect Live Movement

ReConnect Live Helpful Call Tips

June 28, 2018 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

ReConnect Live with Family and Long Time Friends.

Here is one of the very best things you can do for yourself, right now, to enrich your life and bring you joy!! Think about longtime friends who bring joy into your life, think about the ones who make you smile and laugh so much your sides hurt!!! Have you spoken to them recently? If not, ReConnect Live with them, today!! Whether they are family, friends or friends who act like family: reach out and reach out to them LIVE, in real time, no texting.

I don’t want you to text or write an email, ReConnect via live or in-person: make a phone call, Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, etc. If you had to leave a message and they don’t call you back right away, don’t take it personally, enjoy the conversations you have with the people who do call you back or that do get in touch with you and expound upon those.

What if you called 5 people in a week, for a 10-minute call? Put your timer on and say to them “I’m just calling for 10 minutes, tell me what’s going on with you and then I’ll take 2 minutes telling you what’s going on with me.” The following day move on to the next person on your ReConnect Live list. Imagine how enriched your life will be and how many different, life-enhancing subjects and happenings that you will learn about. Perhaps you’ll acquire a different point of view, perhaps you’ll learn some great insights that changes your perspective on your life, perhaps you learn to take care of something. What will happen is you will rekindle your joyful spirit.

If you’re afraid that you won’t be able to think of something to chat about with someone on the fly, take a couple notes on subjects that you want to discuss with them and have a light discussion, nothing heavy. It can be something like: did you read about the latest law going into effect? have you seen the color that was chosen as the color of the year? have you decided on what you’re going to do this summer for vacation? did you see what the Housewives did on their latest episode? Respect their opinions without judgment. Feelings of judgment are the quickest way to shut down or heat up a conversation.

Keep it light or keep it deep? That depends on your relationship with the person you are speaking with and where you want to take it (or leave it). Do you want to deepen your relationship or do you want it to be light and fluffy? By keeping in touch with a variety of different people we can be exposed to different points of view. You wouldn’t speak to everyone about politics, for example. You shouldn’t speak to everyone about the new color of the year and perhaps you shouldn’t speak to everyone about where you’re going on vacation this year.

I do suggest that you give a chance to people who might want to know what the new color is even though in the past, you generally spoke with them about their child. Think outside the box, this will help you expand and deepen in that friendship. Perhaps get together live/in-person to enjoy a cup of coffee, lunch or perhaps a weekend away. Discuss things that are on top of your brain or the things that are really weighing heavily on your brain, whatever you do reach out! Talk to people and if they don’t call you back don’t take it personally just move on but keep them in your heart.

Bring joy to yourself and others, make the call!

Moving

5 Tips to Get Ready to Move

October 24, 2016 By admin

1. Assess your abilities
2. Invite a trusted friend or professional to help you
3. Be honest with yourself regarding how much you can handle
4. Start with one very small area of your home, especially if you are
decluttering on your own
5. Give yourself double to triple the amount of time you think it will
take you

Deirdre Dolan Nesline, a Senior Move Planning Specialist and Owner of DeClutter By Deirdre, A Senior Move Management Company.
Member: National Association of Senior Move Managers,
Coalition of Agencies Relating to Elderly Services, Senior Care Resources of Western Connecticut
Email: DeClutterByDeirdre@gmail.com
Phone: 203-733-1073
www.declutterbydeirdre.com
Follow: DeClutter By Deirdre on Facebook

Tag: #declutterexpert