Tag: #declutterflorida

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“Don’t talk me out of my feelings”~Ethel Anne Roome-Certified Grief Recovery Specialist

Dealing with the loss of a loved one during COVID19

Consider Creating A Second-Best Funeral

Condolences and how to comfort others

Lack of traditional support

Ways to create the 2nd best way to comfort yourself AND honor your loved one

Virtual support or support by mail

How can we lean on others, so many are afraid of grief

Condolences Focusing on positivity- Ethel Anne’s take on this

Do hobbies help and how do we determine what benefits us

Favorite ice cream: vanilla with caramel sauce

Song that reminds Ethel-Anne of her youth and why: The Stroll, American Bandstand with her dad

Leisure time: Flower Arranging

Book mentioned: Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, by Karol Kuhn Truman

Ethel-Anne Roome
Certified Grief Recovery® Specialist

Phone: 203-262-8326
Email: earoome@gmail.com

www.GriefRecoveryStartsHere.com 

Go to the Grief Recovery Institute website for more information on funerals and other grief topics.

DeClutter By Deirdre

To get in touch with me write to DeClutterByDeirdre@gmail.com

Thank you for listening, I appreciate YOU!!

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My guest today is Stephanie Dalfonzo who has spent more than 20 years researching holistic, natural, and scientifically proven ways to more than just manage stress and anxiety but build emotional resilience and truly break free from its vice-like grip. Stephanie is the author of  Goodbye Anxiety, Hello Freedom: How to Build Resilience and Overcome Anxiety I thought it was important to speak with her now that stress and anxiety have a tight grip on a lot of us. 

“When listening to someone, ask what’s going right, right now?” ~Author Stephanie Dalfonzo

Stephanie Dalfonzo- Holistic, Natural Assistance for Anxiety Tips from today:

  • Statistic- Prescriptions for anti-anxiety have increased by 34.1 percent in February 2020
  • One size anxiety relief does not fit all
  • Simple works
  • It’s a practice; never too late to start reducing anxiety
  • Know that you can get past this- it’s a rough spot
  • When listening to someone, ask what’s going right, right now?
  • Don’t create your own PTSD
  • High power, two-minute pose- body language impact
  • Smiling creates happy hormones
  • Rest, digest and relax

Favorite ice cream: mint chocolate chip and butter brickle

Song that reminds you of your youth and why: Got to be Real

Her book is Goodbye Anxiety, Hello Freedom: How to Build Resilience and Overcome Anxiety found on Amazon.com  https://www.amazon.com/Goodbye-Anxiety-Hello-Freedom-Resilience/dp/0999887009/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2HJCQTADA1KD3&dchild=1&keywords=goodbye+anxiety+hello+freedom&qid=1594661766&sprefix=goodbye+anxiety%2Caps%2C195&sr=8-1

To contact Stephanie Dalfonzo:  sd@StephanieDalfonzo.com

To get in touch with Deirdre at DeClutter By Deirdre, you can email me at declutterbydeirdre@gmail.com

Thank you for listening, I appreciate you!

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My guest today is Cynthia Perthuis who leads and owns the Senior Care Authority offices in New York City and Southwest Florida. Cynthia has a passion for helping others and advocating for those that do not have the ability to speak for themselves. Her own personal experience with her parents and her entrepreneurial background has helped so many family members with the stress of helping and caring for aging loved ones. 

I thought today we could chat about “The Talk”.  The Talk is having a discussion with a loved one about being alone in their home is no longer an option, it isn’t safe.

Are you trying to help someone who needs more care to make the decision to move out of their home? 

Helping an older person choose to move from their home to assisted living is never easy. She answers:

         What are the steps to having The Talk

             What are the ways to have The Talk

             Who should have The Talk

             What are some things to watch out for

Cynthia is an advocate, providing guidance on elders staying at home, or seeking assisted living options, here are some of her suggestions:

  • The talk with a parent/parents may require more than one conversation
  • Baggage regarding the conversation- might be fear, other factors
  • Begin the talk with pen and paper; record what you’re thinking
  • Identify the players, before the talk- may include siblings, Attorney- they all need to be on the same page with the person impacted by the decision to move or stay in place
  • Identify any challenges- financial, misinformation
  • Teachable moments- 911 calls, for example
  • Selfless phrases- it is about the person and not whoever begins the discussions
  • Choose the correct time for the talk
  • In-person tours of locations/virtual tours, and stipulate what is offered- trips, activities, food on offer

Favorite ice cream:  Halo Top mint chocolate chip

The song that reminds you of your youth:  Boys of Summer

Leisure time activity:  Cynthia has recently discovered pickleball, yoga

Connect to Cynthia at www.scanyfl.com  cynthia@seniorcareauthority.com

You can connect with me at declutterbydeirdre@gmail.com  or listen to the Magnificent Aging Podcast.

Thank you for listening I appreciate you.

Great Grandma’s China
One of the most angst producing items to get rid of in a home is the family’s set of china. The most expensive bone china was almost a given on all bridal registries and part of the wedding experience was planning a day to meet at the bridal registry at a favorite department store. Now, it stays stacked in piles in a breakfront or on shelves in the basement or packed away in a storage unit.
The sad thing is, right now not many people are interested in grandma’s china therefore it’s very hard to sell china. Unfortunately, those expensive, beautiful pieces of artwork that someone used to crave to be added to their wedding gift registry are out of style. Think of all the familiar manufacturers of china: Noritake, Lenox, Royal Dalton and Mikasa to name a few. There are also grades of china: fine bone china, porcelain, ceramic and earthenware/stoneware.
I suggest getting rid of the heavy dinnerware and use the bone china! Bone china is very durable and tends not to chip like other forms of dinnerware. China is lightweight and easier to handle as we get older. It’s thin and a lot of plates can be stacked in one cabinet.
Speaking of a lot of plates, think about how many you actually need. If you no longer host all the family dinner parties why not keep only the amount that you need for 6 days of meals? Keeping only 6 sets of dinnerware also allows for visiting company.
Try to find an organization who could use the extra dinnerware, think outside the box, ask around to different organizations, you will be surprised which organizations will take them.
Use the fine china, you deserve it!

I want you to understand the gravity of how quickly your situation can change. This is such an important concept that I am writing about it again, 2 years after my first post on the subject of personal control over your items and the importance of DeCluttering while you are still in charge of your faculties and your life.

Mary and Bill were living in their colonial home in a remote section of their town. Living with them were their Certified Nursing Assistants (CNA) and their wheelchair accessible van that they needed to get around town.  Their daughter lived 2 hours away and was bedridden, pregnant with her first child.

Colonials traditionally have a small half bath on the first floor and a steep staircase to get to the bedrooms and larger, full-size bathrooms. Mary was in a wheelchair because of some difficulty walking and it had been determined that she should go to a rehabilitation facility to gain back some physical strength.  At the same time, her husband Bill was moved to a different facility in a different town in order for him to regain strength lost after an illness.  They were both headed towards release from their perspective rehabilitation facilities and they decided it was time to move to a permanent home in an assisted living center which would entail moving to a third location.  Mary called me to see if we could facilitate that move to that third facility and coordinate with their CNA’s.

We set up a meeting so I could I meet with the 2 CNA’s to understand what Mary and Bill would need.  Mary had told me over the phone items she would need in their now very small one-bedroom apartment at their new home, but all other decisions were up to the CNA’s and they went back and forth as to which items should be taken to the new place.  They tried their best and I waited patiently for them to decide.

An issue came up while we were trying to get their possessions moved: I couldn’t get in contact with their head CNA, phone calls were made by me but never returned to me until a family member let me know that the CNA had been admitted to the hospital themselves!!  When we went to move the items that had been chosen we were told some of them were staying at the house and some new items were being taken to the new place.  We got the new items loaded up, unloaded at the new home and I set up their apartment in anticipation of Mary and Bill’s arrival the next day which was Thursday.  Friday, I got a call that Bill had died.

Months later I was giving a DeCluttering presentation at Mary’s new home and Mary attended. She wanted others to know what she had been through on her journey to her new one-bedroom home and recounted her story to all in attendance.  She wanted everyone to know she had zero say in what was taken to her new home, her nurse companion made those decisions for her and Bill and neither of them ever returned to their former home.  Mary said to listen to Deirdre, get rid of items while you are in charge.

I hope you will heed what Mary said and contact me if you need help onsite or from a distance.  www.DeClutterByDeirdre.com

ReConnect Live with Family and Long Time Friends.

Here is one of the very best things you can do for yourself, right now, to enrich your life and bring you joy!!  Think about longtime friends who bring joy into your life, think about the ones who make you smile and laugh so much your sides hurt!!!  Have you spoken to them recently?  If not, ReConnect Live with them, today!!  Whether they are family, friends or friends who act like family: reach out and reach out to them LIVE, in real time, no texting.

I don’t want you to text or write an email, ReConnect via live or in-person: make a phone call, Skype, FaceTime, Zoom, etc.   If you had to leave a message and they don’t call you back right away, don’t take it personally, enjoy the conversations you have with the people who do call you back or that do get in touch with you and expound upon those.

What if you called 5 people in a week, for a 10-minute call?  Put your timer on and say to them “I’m just calling for 10 minutes, tell me what’s going on with you and then I’ll take 2 minutes telling you what’s going on with me.”  The following day move on to the next person on your ReConnect Live list. Imagine how enriched your life will be and how many different, life-enhancing subjects and happenings that you will learn about. Perhaps you’ll acquire a different point of view, perhaps you’ll learn some great insights that changes your perspective on your life, perhaps you learn to take care of something. What will happen is you will rekindle your joyful spirit.

If you’re afraid that you won’t be able to think of something to chat about with someone on the fly, take a couple notes on subjects that you want to discuss with them and have a light discussion, nothing heavy.  It can be something like:  did you read about the latest law going into effect? have you seen the color that was chosen as the color of the year? have you decided on what you’re going to do this summer for vacation? did you see what the Housewives did on their latest episode? Respect their opinions without judgment.  Feelings of judgment are the quickest way to shut down or heat up a conversation.

Keep it light or keep it deep?  That depends on your relationship with the person you are speaking with and where you want to take it (or leave it).  Do you want to deepen your relationship or do you want it to be light and fluffy? By keeping in touch with a variety of different people we can be exposed to different points of view.   You wouldn’t speak to everyone about politics, for example.  You shouldn’t speak to everyone about the new color of the year and perhaps you shouldn’t speak to everyone about where you’re going on vacation this year.

I do suggest that you give a chance to people who might want to know what the new color is even though in the past, you generally spoke with them about their child.  Think outside the box, this will help you expand and deepen in that friendship.  Perhaps get together live/in-person to enjoy a cup of coffee, lunch or perhaps a weekend away.  Discuss things that are on top of your brain or the things that are really weighing heavily on your brain, whatever you do reach out!  Talk to people and if they don’t call you back don’t take it personally just move on but keep them in your heart.

Bring joy to yourself and others, make the call!