Aging in Place, DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

A Dream Come True

May 8, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Every home is a dream of its owner

If you’re a Baby Boomer, or older, your dream was to own your home. Owning a home meant so much!

It meant you were mature, and you could take care of yourself,

It was a symbol of coming into your own,

That you were serious about a long-term relationship,

That you were ready to settle down and have children,

That you were committed to your job and wouldn’t be looking elsewhere for work.

You lovingly filled it with items you were given by friends and family, mostly big, brown furniture. You cleaned it at least weekly and took pride in that. It was “sparse”, but it was yours.

Now, after the trials and tribulations life has thrown it’s looking a little not-so-clean. The rooms are bursting with items collected but never passed on to those in need. Most of your children or grandchildren are not so interested in the brown furniture and all the other treasures you hold. It’s hard to maneuver around all the furniture and collections with a walker or wheelchair. Your eyesight isn’t what it used to be, and the unseen dust bunnies are gathered in the corner. Suddenly, your dream is a nightmare and a burden.

You can change that! Get someone to help you whether you hire a team of people like we have at DeClutter By Deirdre or family and friends. In an afternoon your dream home will be changed for the better! You will feel lighter and that pride of home ownership will creep back in.

Imagine having friends and family over for dinner (that they bring, of course),

Imagine having more lighting in your home so you can see in dark corners,

Imagine furniture being weeded out so you can walk safely,

Imagine regaining pride in your dream home!

Contact me at DeClutterByDeirdre@gmail.com, we will resurrect that dream.

Aging in Place, DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life, Moving

Have the OTHER Conversation, Bringing Your Loved One to Your Home

April 15, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

You know, the one with your spouse and household family members about bringing your aging parent to live in your/their home. Take a deep breath before you do this then understand as much as you can about what you are agreeing to.

This should not be a quick decision. Talk to your family to get their opinion. A lot of times family members will allow you to do what you want because it takes the burden off them. Perhaps think about why they are allowing you to do this (and not them) and clearly understand their reasons because they are valid and perhaps you should consider them before making your decision as well.

This should not be done alone. You need support and will need to take breaks so set that up now. Hire someone to relieve you daily. There are many resources available both for free and pay. Don’t wait until you are at the breaking point to get help, set that up at before your loved one comes to your home.

Talk to healthcare professionals treating your loved one. Healthcare professionals have a clear understanding of your loved one’s health and what is required to attend to their needs. These needs might not be something you ever anticipated as health deteriorates. Physical and mental status changes come with their own challenges.

Preparation is essential. Look at your home with an eye to the future. Is there a 3-foot radius between furniture that a wheelchair could maneuver around? Do you have stairs that will require a chair lift, budget for this now? What about getting into the home, are there stairs, do you need to get a ramp? Are there grab bars strategically placed in the bathroom? Are weapons accessible? and I don’t just mean guns, I mean items that can be used as weapons against you or someone else.

Communication is key. Not only between you, your spouse, siblings, and family members but their extended network as well. A quick conversation to the extended family will go a long way when your spouses’ family understands your spouse agreed to this arrangement and there’s no need for judgment.

Draw a line in the sand. Plan now as to when you will hand over care to someone else. When the caregiving affects your family, your work, your mental and/or physical health. When certain traits begin to show in your loved one. When certain equipment needs to be used for care. When friends and family tell you it’s time to make changes, you agree to listen to them.

This is doable!

Make it as easy as possible as soon as possible so your time together is pleasant and as stress reduced as it can be.

You won’t regret taking care of your loved one.

Moving

7 Basic, Initial Tips to Help You Decide Where to Move in One Year

March 28, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Decide on a housing budget based on the least amount of money you can afford

Get a map and narrow down the area of the country where you think you want to live.

Narrow that area to 100 square miles

Take a look at amenities in each town and how much they align with your interests

Explore areas of 3 towns that fit into your housing budget and interests

Visit the top 3 choice towns once every quarter to understand it’s seasons

Choose one town

Start Early, Good Luck, Contact Me if you Need Help!

Let's Banish Loneliness, Moving

Moving Changes an Address, Not a Relationship.

March 21, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

You’re moving. And, you’re moving far from your comfortable 5-mile radius. In that 5-mile (or less) radius is your grocery store and you know exactly where they keep the brand of ice cream you love.

Your pharmacy where the pharmacist knows all your ailments for the past 20 years and which medicines work best for your ailment.

Your house of worship, why that religious leader knows what you’ve been through as your children we entering young adulthood.

Your mechanic, the one you trust to fix your car, just by listening to it, the proper way and not overcharge you.

Your favorite meeting spot where, as soon as you walk in the door, they are preparing your favorite drink for you without asking.

And your friends, the people you call when you need a ride, someone to chat with, someone to come over and decide which color you should paint the walls to go with your new furniture.

All of a sudden it hits you, you will be without your support system.

Where will you shop?

Where will you meet up with friends?

Where will you find friends?

Holy cow, that can be very scary!

Guess what? You can fulfill all of these needs at your new home with deliberate social connections. Get out of the house and start creating new social connections the first day!

Make it your mission to immediately find a new coffee shop that brings a smile to your face when you walk in.

Seek out a grocery store with exceptional service.

Drive by a couple of auto mechanic workshops and have a little chat.

Join a club where you can pursue social connections.

Finally, ReConnect Live with friends and neighbors from your former home, call them.

Moving changes an address, not a relationship.

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

Technology in the Attic

March 14, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Are you storing obsolete technology equipment in your attic or basement? If yes, you could be holding onto treasure or space grabbing junk!

It’s so funny to hear that saying that everything comes into vogue again in relationship to technology and it’s hard to believe in our fast-paced world of technology that it would apply but it sometimes does. There are some people who like and miss the sound of the keyboards from the 80’s and they will pay for those keyboards, not many, but they are there if you wait.

There are also people who would like to own the colorful Macintosh’s so if you have that type of technology, pull it out and try to sell it or donate to a theater or local group who put on plays. Let them store it and you will have the knowledge you helped someone out.

My guess is most of the technology you have stored are stored for a reason because it’s obsolete and you cannot use it so, recycle it.

Have your older storage drives, discs, tapes moved onto new technology if professionals can accomplish that for you.

The original faxes seemed to have disappearing ink so if you have very old faxed documents that you will need in the future have them saved onto a different technology before the ink fades. Recycle the used fax paper that you no longer need but check about the shiny coated paper.

Continuously update all the data you have stored on technology as you replace it with new technology that way when you purchase new equipment, you’ll be prepared to recycle it instead of store it, saving you from a later headache.

Moving

What Will You Keep? Treasures & Memories

March 7, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

See that yellow bowl? It means a lot to me!

The yellow coating is gone from the rim, it’s got some chips, and silver scrapes on the inside left behind from utensils. Every time I reach for it to use for vegetables, salad, popcorn, fruit, I smile a BIG smile and feel a sense of joy. The reason I smile so big is that it reminds me of family, friends and good times at the lake. I think it was used at almost every supper at the lake!

Not long ago my brother was visiting and when I took it out, he asked if that was the bowl from the lake and my immediate thought was “Oh no, he’s not going to ask me for it is he?”. I said “Yes”, and he said “Great”! PHEW! It was triggering happy memories for him as well.

“The lake” represents our family’s childhood in summer. It was a place our family, extended family and friends gathered every weekend. We would power boat, sunfish sail, swim, jet-ski, suntan, fish, flirt, nap, develop long-lasting friendships, understand each other more and what made us tick through conversations, sneak out to our friends’ houses, play ping pong in the clubhouse and create truly lifelong memories of joy.

I don’t remember ever using a key to open the door during the summer because it was always unlocked and open to whoever wanted to stop by. And, everyone knew they just had to walk in, no knocking, no ringing of the doorbell, that’s the kind of place it was and that long-ago happiness is what I re-experience every time I use that yellow bowl.

Of course, I talk a lot about DeCluttering but I don’t want you to get rid of everything in your home: whether you are aging in place or moving to a new home. Do you have a treasure in your possession that brings you an overabundance of happiness and joy, but most others wouldn’t appreciate it because it’s not tied to anything emotionally triggering in their minds? I want you to keep 1 or 2 treasures that bring you deep happiness and joy to look at and use.

Write down the memories and feelings those one or two items create for you then use them, love them, relive the feeling of happiness they give you. This might also help you pass along other treasures of yours that might not have the same importance and make your DeCluttering a little bit easier.

Tell me, did you pick out an item? What does it represent to you?

Moving

Have the Conversation

February 28, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

If you are lucky enough to be present while your loved one is in the process of dying, have the conversation you always wanted to have. This is your chance, do it, there will never be another time.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying choose this moment to confess all your sins and how horrible they treated you but turn that around and have a conversation about the positive impact they have had on your life. Talk about the positive effects they have had on their community, their workplace, where they volunteer, with their family and friends.

It’s hard to know what you can do to support your loved one who is dying however, one gift you can give is to share how loved they made you feel. Share how much you appreciated them coaching you, defending you, paying for your dinner, letters of encouragement, etc. Showing up for you, even if just once in your life, is a gift to be cherished. Showing up for someone else, in whatever capacity you are able, is a gift to them and frankly, to you as well.

Write down some ways you can show up for those you love and those who are actively dying, this will be extremely helpful when you’re in an emotional state before, during or after your conversations.

Give them a quick call, even if they are unable to hold the phone because of lack of strength or where they are in the process or someone who is with them can hold it up to their ear. It doesn’t need to be a long conversation just, “I’m thinking about you and wanted to call”.

Put together soothing music or some fun songs to take their mind to another place, dying is scary on all sides.

Read a book to them, conscious or not, they can hear you.

Take a puzzle to do together, you don’t even have to talk, concentrating on something besides the inevitable provides some relief. Here are some great puzzles: https://maddcappgames.com/collections/puzzles

Give them a hand or foot massage, except if they are in pain. You know how great it is to get your hair washed by someone else when you go to the salon, they might love a gentle scalp massage.

Comedy shows are great, watch a couple of those, laughter is the best medicine.

Put headsets on them, turn on YouTube to favorite bands from their era. The headsets help them focus on the music and what’s in front of them, not what’s going on with them providing a little break from the stress.

Hold their hand, whether they are able to hold yours back or not. The warmth of connection is powerful.

Let me know if you have other suggestions.

Sending you courage to connect and have the conversation

DeCluttering, DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life, Moving

The Guilt You Feel When Moving

January 20, 2019 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Throwing GUILT, oh my! We can all probably say we’ve thrown a little guilt at one time or another! Here’s the thing about guilt, it makes the guilt-delivering-person and the guilt-receiving-person feel bad. Not wanting to Move-Family-Treasures-Guilt is the pain of not wanting to let go and hoping that others feel the same way about your treasures as you do OR you will try to make them feel the same way and that does NOT work!

Mostly, it’s elder parents who downsize before their adult children downsize and want the adult children to take all the “stuff” they have collected from ancestors before them. Many years earlier the elder parents accepted their own parent’s treasures because, during that particular period of time, things generally were A. well made, B. cost a fortune and C. it was understood those treasures were intended to be passed down. So, we have Baby Boomers holding on to their grandparent’s possessions and now they are the ones looking to downsize and give the items they no longer want or need to their children. Guess what? The grandchildren, in general, don’t want those family treasures. They have purchased or rented furniture that is contemporary, sleek and light in many cases: heavy, brown furniture does not fit into their lifestyle.

Many adult grandchildren move frequently and change jobs just as frequently, they are not “Company Lifers” and I don’t mean that “Lifers” is a bad term, it just doesn’t seem to apply lately. They tend to rent more than own and the dwellings they rent are smaller and cannot fit the large profile furniture of their grandparents. Their color schemes are different than the muted greens, browns, oranges of their grandparents and frankly, you can buy a new piece of furniture in the color you want cheaper than if you take something to be re-upholstered in a new color/pattern. AND, the fabrics are different now, a big one being they can be sun and stain resistant, something their grandparents didn’t have incorporated into their furniture.

Trinkets, novelties, figurine collectibles are not so desirable to the adult grandchildren. They have no space and many former family treasures have no meaning to them. They, smartly, prefer to have less to dust and keep clean!! Good for them, let’s join them and get rid of that Not-Moving-Family-Treasure-Guilt! Contact me for help moving and sign up on this home page for my newsletter.

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

Examining Your Childhood DeCluttering Habits

December 11, 2018 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

The key to DeCluttering is to create a Habit of DeCluttering. And one of the keys to adopting the Habit of DeCluttering is to understand where your cluttering or DeCluttering Habits first started so you can adjust the bad habits into new, positive DeCluttering Habits.

What is your earliest memory of a DeCluttering Habit or lack of a DeCluttering Habit? Was your earliest memory of cluttering and DeCluttering before you were a teenager? Take a minute to return to your 15 year old self, what were your DeCluttering Habits? Did you have any that you had observed and adopted or were told to do? Were they related to just your space or to your home and if you had a yard to your yard? Now think about your 25-year-old self, what did those DeCluttering Habits look like during that period of your life? Were they different from your 10-year-old, 15-year-old or 25-year-old habits? When did the Habit of DeCluttering change? What are the DeCluttering habits you would like to keep? Which habits do you want to release?

I have found a person’s DeCluttering Habits are established early and are only changed by a shift in perspective or a dramatic incident. Many times it’s a tragic, life-altering event, it can also be as simple as someone showing you that another way to present yourself to the world works better than the current way.

To start your DeCluttering journey examine when those Habits of cluttering and DeCluttering first appeared and what caused them. Then observe how they have changed, or not, over the years. Thirdly, decide which habits would best serve you going forward in your life and make those changes. Believe that you can make a small change right this minute, you can. I believe in you.

DeCluttering For the Next Phase in Life

What Do I Do With Grandma’s China? The Keeper of The Family China.

October 13, 2018 By Deirdre Dolan Nesline

Great Grandma’s China
One of the most angst producing items to get rid of in a home is the family’s set of china. The most expensive bone china was almost a given on all bridal registries and part of the wedding experience was planning a day to meet at the bridal registry at a favorite department store. Now, it stays stacked in piles in a breakfront or on shelves in the basement or packed away in a storage unit.
The sad thing is, right now not many people are interested in grandma’s china therefore it’s very hard to sell china. Unfortunately, those expensive, beautiful pieces of artwork that someone used to crave to be added to their wedding gift registry are out of style. Think of all the familiar manufacturers of china: Noritake, Lenox, Royal Dalton and Mikasa to name a few. There are also grades of china: fine bone china, porcelain, ceramic and earthenware/stoneware.
I suggest getting rid of the heavy dinnerware and use the bone china! Bone china is very durable and tends not to chip like other forms of dinnerware. China is lightweight and easier to handle as we get older. It’s thin and a lot of plates can be stacked in one cabinet.
Speaking of a lot of plates, think about how many you actually need. If you no longer host all the family dinner parties why not keep only the amount that you need for 6 days of meals? Keeping only 6 sets of dinnerware also allows for visiting company.
Try to find an organization who could use the extra dinnerware, think outside the box, ask around to different organizations, you will be surprised which organizations will take them.
Use the fine china, you deserve it!

Tag: #distancedeclutter