Tag: #eldermovingblogger

You know, the one with your spouse and household family members about bringing your aging parent to live in your/their home.  Take a deep breath before you do this then understand as much as you can about what you are agreeing to.

This should not be a quick decision.  Talk to your family to get their opinion.  A lot of times family members will allow you to do what you want because it takes the burden off them.  Perhaps think about why they are allowing you to do this (and not them) and clearly understand their reasons because they are valid and perhaps you should consider them before making your decision as well.

This should not be done alone. You need support and will need to take breaks so set that up now.  Hire someone to relieve you daily.  There are many resources available both for free and pay.  Don’t wait until you are at the breaking point to get help, set that up at before your loved one comes to your home.

Talk to healthcare professionals treating your loved one.  Healthcare professionals have a clear understanding of your loved one’s health and what is required to attend to their needs.  These needs might not be something you ever anticipated as health deteriorates.  Physical and mental status changes come with their own challenges.

Preparation is essential.  Look at your home with an eye to the future.  Is there a 3-foot radius between furniture that a wheelchair could maneuver around?  Do you have stairs that will require a chair lift, budget for this now?  What about getting into the home, are there stairs, do you need to get a ramp?  Are there grab bars strategically placed in the bathroom? Are weapons accessible? and I don’t just mean guns, I mean items that can be used as weapons against you or someone else.

Communication is key.  Not only between you, your spouse, siblings, and family members but their extended network as well.  A quick conversation to the extended family will go a long way when your spouses’ family understands your spouse agreed to this arrangement and there’s no need for judgment.

Draw a line in the sand. Plan now as to when you will hand over care to someone else.  When the caregiving affects your family, your work, your mental and/or physical health.  When certain traits begin to show in your loved one. When certain equipment needs to be used for care. When friends and family tell you it’s time to make changes, you agree to listen to them.

This is doable!

Make it as easy as possible as soon as possible so your time together is pleasant and as stress reduced as it can be.

You won’t regret taking care of your loved one.

 

Imagine this…you recently purchased a new home and are moving out of your 5th-floor apartment.  You are excited to move to your new home because it means you have rightsized for your current life and it’s a little bit easier for you to see family and friends.

You’ve already washed all your new-to-you cabinets, drawers and bathrooms.  You’ve washed and polished the floors and had someone come in to professionally clean the rugs.  You’ve put your dishes, glasses, towels in their proper place.  You’ve got a small chair that fit in your car for you to sit on and you’ve taken all of the manageable pieces already.  You see your signature style popping through in your new dwelling.

You contact a “mover” to take everything out of your 5th-floor dwelling to your new home.  The “movers” arrive on time, 9 am sharp!  They hang the wall protectors on the elevator walls and head up to take your items to the truck.  This is the first time they’ve been to your home to see what you will be moving.  First up, the sleeper sofa.  They carry the sleeper to the elevator, remove the drop ceiling so it fits and…it doesn’t fit.  Now what?  The only way it’s getting downstairs to the truck is if they carry it.  Well, they decide there is no way they are going to carry it down 5 flights of stairs, so they leave.  No “goodbye”, no “we are sorry”, no “we will send someone else to handle it”.

This happened to someone my husband spoke to last week.  The person who was moving looked up help for moving, got a name, chatted on the phone, got a “good” price and set up a move date.  No one came to preview the job.  No contract, no deposit, no guarantee.  Therefore, the “movers” were able to walk away without a word or second glance when moving the furniture presented the slightest challenge.

Look out for yourself, especially during a high-stress time in your life (regardless if you are happy or not about your move).  Find out if the company is registered in your state.  Get a contract that lays out all of the rules, what you are obligated to do and what the mover is obligated to do.  Movers are highly regulated and if the price you get is significantly lower than a legitimate company, investigate the reason why.  Do not leave things to chance and take their word, I’m sorry to say that doesn’t work anymore.  Believe me, I know things happen and vendors might not be able to help you with what you need to accomplish in the end but at least they would tell you they were leaving and explain how they couldn’t fulfill their agreement.

Avoid stress, make sure they are legitimate so you don’t get caught in a debacle, create a peaceful life and contact me for tips on moving.

 

Self-care is the latest buzzword but it is oh, so much more than a buzzword! It is really important to focus on yourself first, this is not selfish, it is lifesaving. Apply the longtime airline preparation phrase to your own life “Put your oxygen mask on before helping anyone else.”.  “You can’t help anyone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself.” If you have heard these phrases a lot lately it’s time to act.

How can you focus on self-care in your own life, especially if you are new to self-care?

Self-care starts with taking care of you, becoming ultra-aware of situations that upset you, understanding you have choices and then choosing the less stressful path for you.  Conduct your life in a way that will provide you with the most peace; good “time-choices” and planning ahead will help you.   Let’s say you want to start DeCluttering your home for a move. Imagine if you started DeCluttering today and that today was 3 months before your scheduled move.  Your stress level should be much lower than if you chose to, instead, wait until the week of your move.  That’s taking care of yourself.  You reduce your stress in an already high-stress-level event by utilizing the extra time you have given yourself to prepare for your move.  An hour here and 4 hours there, months in advance, will impact your move in a positive manner.

Self-care includes having awareness of your stressors. Become aware and look out for your stressors and minimize them as much as you can.  Your stressors might be very different from someone else’s stressors.  Events that don’t bother you at all could be huge triggers for someone else and vice versa, the secret here is being able to identify your own triggers and limit your exposure to them.

My best piece of stress reducing advice is to look at your time-choices, plan out as much of your calendar as you are able, to include hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly planning.  Make time-choices your friend. Create awareness of your stressors and triggers and avoid or deal with them without delay.

Let me know how these work for you.

Winter storm season is in full swing!  Oftentimes, when a damaging storm hits we are not fully prepared but what we’re really not prepared for is the emotional aftermath: feelings of loss, of fear, where do we go, where do we turn, do we have enough cash on hand because the banks are closed, do we have the basics such as water and shelter or can we easily get those?

Think about how you would cope with no electricity: how do you charge your phone, do you keep the appointment you had in the next city over that wasn’t affected by the storm, what do you do if you need to get in touch with someone, do you need electricity for medical devices? No television is very disruptive for many who can’t sleep at night because perhaps that’s the only way they can fall asleep and now that’s not available.  No coffee in the morning because there’s no electricity and there’s no water to make that coffee. What would you do in that case if you didn’t have a generator?  You could get trapped in your home by the weather because trees have fallen, and you can’t get out of your driveway.

And, if you can get out of your driveway you might not have the cash to go to the grocery store. Let’s say you can buy the groceries but then you need to carry them into your home, perhaps up your stairs? What if the stairs have an electric glider that’s your only way upstairs and the battery has drained? This would be stressful for any of us but it’s especially stressful for people who are physically challenged.

It all just becomes too much stress on stress on stress.

The same can happen if you don’t prepare and plan for a move to a new home.  Planning for the physical and emotional changes you will experience needs to happen earlier rather than later.  Move dates sneak up on people and take them by surprise because there was not enough planning and preparation at the very earliest stages.  I know there can be emergency situations where you have no control but, if you have control take advantage of it.  Plan for your next move in life, let your family and friends know what your next move will be and what is the criteria that will signal it’s time to happen.

I suggest you plan a year ahead of your move and make choices and changes as you go.  For example: if you live up north and this will be your last winter in the snow, donate your winter coats, skis, hats, gloves, etc. once you’re at the end of the season.  Do that with each season but keep the items that coincide with your new climate.

I’ve created a 7 Tip Sheet to help you decide where to move in a year.  Take a look.

7 Basic, Initial Tips to Help Decide Where to Move in a Year

Contact me if you need help.

OMGosh!  Are you over all the paper that gets sent to your home?  I am!

I really don’t need offers of maintenance contracts on vehicles I’ve sold.  I don’t need to see all the types of cars I can purchase.  I don’t need catalogs filled with clothing that does not suit my lifestyle or where I am in this stage of my life.  But I still get these mailed to me and that’s an indication to me that it’s time to renew my no more unsolicited mail request online.

I really don’t mind getting bills: electric usage bills, homeowner’s association bills, cable tv bills.  These types of paper mail are reminders that I have a roof over my head, I enjoy all the comforts electricity provides and I have time to watch television instead of having to work 3 jobs during every waking moment. I don’t mind these mailings!

Recycling the unwanted bills reduces items going to the landfill, yes, but what about not cutting down that tree to begin with? Here’s the way to reduce unwanted mail:  go to this website https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0262-stopping-unsolicited-mail-phone-calls-and-email and follow the directions for each of the items you no longer want.  It’s easy, fairly inexpensive and it will take but minutes today to reduce a lot of stress.  https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0262-stopping-unsolicited-mail-phone-calls-and-email

Let me know how you feel about your reduced mail in about a month.  And, sign up for my newsletter, no paper involved!

Daily At A Glance

I was a guest on Mia Moran’s Plan Simple Meals Podcast https://plansimplemeals.podbean.com/ and introduced to her audience the value of a handwritten, permanent daily schedule to manage time-choices.   I first created this when I started a new job within my family’s company and have taken it forward to all other career paths.  I was the Accounts Payable Manager and paying things before their due date sometimes came with the reward of a discount and boy those discounts would add up quickly so I wanted to take advantage of every single one.  In addition, I did not want money walking out the door in the form of unnecessary late fees or finance charges or both!!  So, I made up an index card listing “permanently recurring” items I needed to get done each day before the end of the day and before I tackled any emergencies or focused on any other dynamic work.

The concept is simple:  in your own handwriting record the daily, recurring weekly items you must accomplish. These are “permanent” items, they don’t change from week to week, month to month. For example areas you need to DeClutter, monthly bills-car payment, electric bill, mortgage, calls you need to make-fuel delivery, mom, things you need to do-send out birthday cards, order groceries for delivery, schedule appointments.  I find when I put these items in my phone’s calendar, I tend to ignore them and the alarm reminders I have set.  Somehow, I get it done when it’s written down, perhaps because it’s attached to my desk, so I have to deal with the permanently recurring items immediately before I walk out the door.

These are small items that weigh on your mind even though they are reoccurring.  They tug at your memory demanding you remember them.  Well, what if you took that tugging away from your brain because it’s written in front of you?  The one thing you need to get used to is looking at that sheet of paper every day.  It starts your day, you do those things first and then move on to your priority for the day.

This practice will change the way you look at your time-choices while giving you a sense of support and accomplishment.  I’ll attach my Daily at A Glance form to get you started: download it, fill it out and start tomorrow.  OR, create one that works best for you.  Let me know the positive changes that occur.

Download the form here:   DAILY AT A GLANCE

Throwing GUILT, oh my!  We can all probably say we’ve thrown a little guilt at one time or another!  Here’s the thing about guilt, it makes the guilt-delivering-person and the guilt-receiving-person feel bad. Not wanting to Move-Family-Treasures-Guilt is the pain of not wanting to let go and hoping that others feel the same way about your treasures as you do OR you will try to make them feel the same way and that does NOT work!

Mostly, it’s elder parents who downsize before their adult children downsize and want the adult children to take all the “stuff” they have collected from ancestors before them.  Many years earlier the elder parents accepted their own parent’s treasures because, during that particular period of time, things generally were A. well made, B. cost a fortune and C. it was understood those treasures were intended to be passed down.  So, we have Baby Boomers holding on to their grandparent’s possessions and now they are the ones looking to downsize and give the items they no longer want or need to their children.  Guess what?  The grandchildren, in general, don’t want those family treasures.  They have purchased or rented furniture that is contemporary, sleek and light in many cases: heavy, brown furniture does not fit into their lifestyle.

Many adult grandchildren move frequently and change jobs just as frequently, they are not “Company Lifers” and I don’t mean that “Lifers” is a bad term, it just doesn’t seem to apply lately.  They tend to rent more than own and the dwellings they rent are smaller and cannot fit the large profile furniture of their grandparents.  Their color schemes are different than the muted greens, browns, oranges of their grandparents and frankly, you can buy a new piece of furniture in the color you want cheaper than if you take something to be re-upholstered in a new color/pattern.  AND, the fabrics are different now, a big one being they can be sun and stain resistant, something their grandparents didn’t have incorporated into their furniture.

Trinkets, novelties, figurine collectibles are not so desirable to the adult grandchildren.  They have no space and many former family treasures have no meaning to them.  They, smartly, prefer to have less to dust and keep clean!!  Good for them, let’s join them and get rid of that Not-Moving-Family-Treasure-Guilt!  Contact me for help moving and sign up on this home page for my newsletter.

I came across this snakeskin during a DeClutter session the other day and I wondered where he is now, is he behind the next box, has he already left the garage?  It made me think of the reason he was there in the first place, he probably was looking for his next meal and followed the scent of a mouse.  We find so many mice in basements and attics!

Then I started thinking about how we should all protect ourselves while DeCluttering from sharp objects, rodents, snakes, toxins, allergens, heavy items…and possessions we never want our friends and family to see.  These items can take the form of hidden bottles of alcohol (empty or full) or stashes of drugs or their paraphernalia.  Items such as these might not represent who we are NOW or who we are attempting to be in the future but there they are, still present in our home, like a weight around our necks.

Now is the time to DeClutter items that no longer have meaning to you but might be hurtful if your children or loved ones found them.  We have had children uncover their mother’s engagement announcement to a man besides their dad that was posted in the paper, they had no idea their mother was engaged before being married to their father.  Their parents were a long time, loving couple, they had never thought of the possibility that their mom had been in love with someone before their father.  It was shocking and I’m sure their mother had no idea of the pain that clipping would cause 60 years later.  Seemingly, it was saved in the moment and forgotten in the pile of memorabilia and hurt of the breakup.  But, here it was, being uncovered by those she would have protected from this knowledge at all costs.

Look at your possessions, especially the hidden ones, ask for help clearing emotional-producing items out of your life if you cannot do it alone or leave the premise and let someone else clear them out for you if they still hold a lot of power and emotion over you.  Contact DeClutter By Deirdre for help with these emotionally charged DeCluttering Sessions. You can do tough things! I believe in you!

The key to DeCluttering is to create a Habit of DeCluttering. And one of the keys to adopting the Habit of DeCluttering is to understand where your cluttering or DeCluttering Habits first started so you can adjust the bad habits into new, positive DeCluttering Habits.

What is your earliest memory of a DeCluttering Habit or lack of a DeCluttering Habit?  Was your earliest memory of cluttering and DeCluttering before you were a teenager?  Take a minute to return to your 15 year old self, what were your DeCluttering Habits?  Did you have any that you had observed and adopted or were told to do?  Were they related to just your space or to your home and if you had a yard to your yard? Now think about your 25-year-old self, what did those DeCluttering Habits look like during that period of your life?  Were they different from your 10-year-old, 15-year-old or 25-year-old habits? When did the Habit of DeCluttering change? What are the DeCluttering habits you would like to keep?  Which habits do you want to release?

I have found a person’s DeCluttering Habits are established early and are only changed by a shift in perspective or a dramatic incident.  Many times it’s a tragic, life-altering event, it can also be as simple as someone showing you that another way to present yourself to the world works better than the current way.

To start your DeCluttering journey examine when those Habits of cluttering and DeCluttering first appeared and what caused them.  Then observe how they have changed, or not, over the years. Thirdly, decide which habits would best serve you going forward in your life and make those changes. Believe that you can make a small change right this minute, you can.  I believe in you.

“Deirdre’s presentation on de-cluttering and “stuff” management was professional, interactive and fun!  It was filled with many helpful, practical methods of going through your personal possessions and preparing for a move or life’s changes.  With such great ideas, I heartily recommend Deidre and her company DeClutter By Deirdre.”

M.A.