Tag: #mariekondo

See that yellow bowl?  It means a lot to me!

The yellow coating is gone from the rim, it’s got some chips, and silver scrapes on the inside left behind from utensils.  Every time I reach for it to use for vegetables, salad, popcorn, fruit, I smile a BIG smile and feel a sense of joy.  The reason I smile so big is that it reminds me of family, friends and good times at the lake.   I think it was used at almost every supper at the lake!

Not long ago my brother was visiting and when I took it out, he asked if that was the bowl from the lake and my immediate thought was “Oh no, he’s not going to ask me for it is he?”.  I said “Yes”, and he said “Great”!  PHEW!  It was triggering happy memories for him as well.

“The lake” represents our family’s childhood in summer. It was a place our family, extended family and friends gathered every weekend. We would power boat, sunfish sail, swim, jet-ski, suntan, fish, flirt, nap, develop long-lasting friendships, understand each other more and what made us tick through conversations, sneak out to our friends’ houses, play ping pong in the clubhouse and create truly lifelong memories of joy.

I don’t remember ever using a key to open the door during the summer because it was always unlocked and open to whoever wanted to stop by. And, everyone knew they just had to walk in, no knocking, no ringing of the doorbell, that’s the kind of place it was and that long-ago happiness is what I re-experience every time I use that yellow bowl.

Of course, I talk a lot about DeCluttering but I don’t want you to get rid of everything in your home: whether you are aging in place or moving to a new home.  Do you have a treasure in your possession that brings you an overabundance of happiness and joy, but most others wouldn’t appreciate it because it’s not tied to anything emotionally triggering in their minds? I want you to keep 1 or 2 treasures that bring you deep happiness and joy to look at and use.

Write down the memories and feelings those one or two items create for you then use them, love them, relive the feeling of happiness they give you. This might also help you pass along other treasures of yours that might not have the same importance and make your DeCluttering a little bit easier.

Tell me, did you pick out an item?  What does it represent to you?

If you are lucky enough to be present while your loved one is in the process of dying, have the conversation you always wanted to have.  This is your chance, do it, there will never be another time.

Now, I’m not necessarily saying choose this moment to confess all your sins and how horrible they treated you but turn that around and have a conversation about the positive impact they have had on your life.  Talk about the positive effects they have had on their community, their workplace, where they volunteer, with their family and friends.

It’s hard to know what you can do to support your loved one who is dying however, one gift you can give is to share how loved they made you feel.  Share how much you appreciated them coaching you, defending you, paying for your dinner, letters of encouragement, etc.  Showing up for you, even if just once in your life, is a gift to be cherished.  Showing up for someone else, in whatever capacity you are able, is a gift to them and frankly, to you as well.

Write down some ways you can show up for those you love and those who are actively dying, this will be extremely helpful when you’re in an emotional state before, during or after your conversations.

Give them a quick call, even if they are unable to hold the phone because of lack of strength or where they are in the process or someone who is with them can hold it up to their ear.  It doesn’t need to be a long conversation just, “I’m thinking about you and wanted to call”.

Put together soothing music or some fun songs to take their mind to another place, dying is scary on all sides.

Read a book to them, conscious or not, they can hear you.

Take a puzzle to do together, you don’t even have to talk, concentrating on something besides the inevitable provides some relief.  Here are some great puzzles: https://maddcappgames.com/collections/puzzles

Give them a hand or foot massage, except if they are in pain. You know how great it is to get your hair washed by someone else when you go to the salon, they might love a gentle scalp massage.

Comedy shows are great, watch a couple of those, laughter is the best medicine.

Put headsets on them, turn on YouTube to favorite bands from their era.  The headsets help them focus on the music and what’s in front of them, not what’s going on with them providing a little break from the stress.

Hold their hand, whether they are able to hold yours back or not. The warmth of connection is powerful.

Let me know if you have other suggestions.

Sending you courage to connect and have the conversation